All good men are taken-Where will i get one?
I have heard many men say to women that there is no formula or trick to find the right man.Men further site the greatest weakness in women of putting the agenda before the man;by wanting to get married before even finding a man.They argue that women should not even think of finding a man,leave alone dreaming about one since we are so indecisive to make the right choice.We are so overcome by fear of picking the 'wrong one',so,men think,and even quote the Bible;It is a man that findeth a woman,and not the other way round.
Women on the other hand are busy doing what the men say we shouldn't do;finding for the right one.In cases where they didn't find 'the right one',women will take to Murphy's Laws of Love,those that go further to give reasons of why it is not possible to find a good man."All good men are either taken or gay" is one of these Laws that women have added to their Love Commandments.
Before you add one more of Murphy's Laws of Love to your sad love story,let us look at some of the reasons why women seem to be missing out on Mr Right and see how we can improve or 'up our game'.
1.Be realistic.
Most of the times,ladies seek an 'ideal partner',a flawless,tall,handsome,financially stable, strong muscled man.By so doing,we miss to discover what it means to love a human being and miss out on the opportunity of meeting a potential guy.It's okay to go for what you are worth ladies,but these ideals may not exist!
My advice:Make a list of your beliefs& values,strengths & weaknesses,your fears,likes & dislikes,plans & ambition, personal goals etc.Then make a wish list of the man you'd like to meet,the one who complements but not necessarily shares your attributes.It will look awkward if you do not have a car let alone a steady income yet top on your list for Mr Right you want 'A financially stable' man.
2.Look beyond Looks
Every woman wants to be with the hottest guy in town;the one who will make her lady friends choke with jealousy and the one who will give her beautiful children.Whilst i agree this is important and wise,i think it would be wiser to have a man who supports you,appreciates you and makes you feel like a woman.When you have a man who motivates you and makes you believe in yourself,you can count yourself lucky.
My Advice:Do not underestimate the value of man by judging him at face value.Go ahead and crack the nut to know what lies in his innermost places.It is also wise to look at what potential that man has;even if he may not be rich at the present,if he is ambitious enough,you can get ahead someday;he needs some motivation to get there and you are that motivator he so much needs to achieve his goals.
3.Consider your 'search sites'
A former colleague made sure that this one stuck in my head!Although he advised me,in a man's capacity,that a woman had better not go looking for a man,or worse so put a "i so desperately need a man right now"face,he advised me to always seek for men in the right places.For example,being a christian and a lover of gospel music,he advised that i'd likely meet the key that'd open my lock by joining the church choir;i think he was outrightly right! I am not limiting ladies to a few sites;i mean go out and meet people,mingle,join wedding committees,seek obituary pages to see who has lost a wife(unfortunately), gyms,libraries,crusades, and not forgetting online dating is here.
My Advice:Basing on your needs,you can seek and find a man at the right place. For instance if you found one at the club, be sure that he is not playing a game that he is too good at.
4.Make a move,but on the first night.
Ladies,when men show interest in us,it is not because they want to be 'the one'.Sometimes they are just looking out for a good time with a friend or colleague.When he takes you out,buys you gifts and calls you oftenly,do not confuse this for love.It is wise to wait until he says that he is interested for more than friendship.Some men may insist on Friends with Benefits (BURDENS???)but still,be sure you are not fooled.
My advice;If you want to make a move(unless you already know you want FwB),please wait;do not mind to save the best for last,just to be sure.This will save you the agony of feeling used in case the guy decided to
walk away.
5.Positive Attitude
I have been in love before and i guess you too.I have also had a fair share of heartbreaks and perhaps you too.I have sworn to never fall in love,but i know love is a basic need;we all need to be appreciated and to belong,so i have always found myself falling in love again.What matters when we fall in love again is how well we manage our present basing on our past.Are you the type that uses your past relationships as a benchmark?Are you one of those women who believe that all men are brothers?If you are one,you may be chasing rather than attracting good men.If you were wronged by one man,it doesn't mean that all men will hurt you.If you keep the script in your head and just bring in new actors,it doesn't change;it remains the same script.Know that we are created differently and everybody deserves a chance,at least to prove himself and earn a benefit of doubt.Keeping a positive attitude and hoping all will be well is the best way to go;do not listen to those women who will call you stupid for accepting to love;all men are not dogs and women need men to complement their lives.
6.Make him your best friend
I have always said to myself that the right man for me will have to be my best friend first and then my lover second.By making him your best friend,you are giving yourself time to learn him,his interests and share in his life.You can discuss about and on anything and still agree to disagree.By making a compromise,you do not let loose your guard;it's all about appreciating the differences in you and that is the sweetness of a relationship.You do not have to nod to whatever he says;give your view and assert it in a way that he doesn't feel humiliated and you do not feel left out.Learn a thing about what he does in life,show some interest in his hobbies,let him learn yours and you will encounter the fulfillment of great friendship.
7.Be a Woman
You all may have heard this quote on what a man wants in a woman;a mother in the kitchen,a lady in the living room,a mother Teresa in public and a ..... in the bedroom.
The 21st century woman is an evolved woman;we have thrown caution to the wind,we do not care how we dress;low V t-shirts ,micro mini,tight clothes name it.
We do not seem to capture what our moms taught us;'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach'.We do not bother to make him a nice meal;the 21st century woman cannot cook and expects the man to be kitchen savvy.
Since we can afford house helps,we do not bother to iron his shirts,the 'maid' can take care of his boxers and socks as well.
My Advice:Even if you cannot cook well like his mother does,just make an effort and make him some tasty meal.Take advantage of the internet and get a recipe;surprise him with one and you will see the results.Make it your duty to take care of his laundry;he will feel that he has a woman and not a man in the house.
8.Do not ask for too much-
It is true that women love with their hearts first and heads after;the opposite is also true for men.That is why we wait almost for eternity to hear a man say the three magic words that every woman loves to hear.I was once caught up in the euphoria and i remember calling him day in day out to ask whether he loved me.He would reply in the affirmative and not being convinced,i'd ask why he didn't tell me so.Well,i must confess that today,i sometimes feel like calling him up and asking him to stop telling me he loves me,that i know it already!He says it as soon as an opportunity arises.
My Advice:Men know when to say what and how to say it.Let us not force them to say they love us;it doesn't mean anything if his words are not matching his actions.Watch his actions.
Too much of anything.....
9.Let your Physical beauty complement your Emotional beauty
Men are not interested in you because of your physical beauty,sexual ability,money or your dressing.They are seeking more than that.Are you just another woman seeking a man to make you happy?Are you comfortable being alone?Do you love your own company?Do you go to the gym to make him happy?Are you loosing weight for him?Are you the one who forgets her lady friends,family,and life in general because you have found 'the one'?Men need someone who is comfortable with themselves,one who carries herself with dignity and is open minded.One who is aware of what is happening around.
Beauty with no Brains is not an advantage.
Lastly but not least,
10.Never ever tell a man about what you want and what you expect!!!
Many ladies have fallen trap on this one and lost a chance for a second chance.Whereas being assertive (saying you know what you want)may sound smart,the way you carry yourself is enough to earn you enough credits from a man.Do not ask outrightly to be taken out for diner or a movie;let the invitation come from him.A good man pays close attention to us and will not need to be coerced to do anything.
So there we go girls!!We need to work towards attaining our own happiness without necessarily waiting for any human to come and make us happy.We need to realize that in life,when we are not looking we get plenty and when we are desperately seeking,we may end up getting nothing.Learn to accept yourself as a person,to love your body,to be comfortable with your company and to carry yourself with pride and dignity.Let us quit our childhood fantasies about life and relationships and face real life;Snow white may have been lucky to have seven men around her,Barbie may have had all a woman needs in life,Princess and prince may not be existing and if they do,they must have found each other!
Let us be real.......
Women on the other hand are busy doing what the men say we shouldn't do;finding for the right one.In cases where they didn't find 'the right one',women will take to Murphy's Laws of Love,those that go further to give reasons of why it is not possible to find a good man."All good men are either taken or gay" is one of these Laws that women have added to their Love Commandments.
Before you add one more of Murphy's Laws of Love to your sad love story,let us look at some of the reasons why women seem to be missing out on Mr Right and see how we can improve or 'up our game'.
1.Be realistic.
Most of the times,ladies seek an 'ideal partner',a flawless,tall,handsome,financially stable, strong muscled man.By so doing,we miss to discover what it means to love a human being and miss out on the opportunity of meeting a potential guy.It's okay to go for what you are worth ladies,but these ideals may not exist!
My advice:Make a list of your beliefs& values,strengths & weaknesses,your fears,likes & dislikes,plans & ambition, personal goals etc.Then make a wish list of the man you'd like to meet,the one who complements but not necessarily shares your attributes.It will look awkward if you do not have a car let alone a steady income yet top on your list for Mr Right you want 'A financially stable' man.
2.Look beyond Looks
Every woman wants to be with the hottest guy in town;the one who will make her lady friends choke with jealousy and the one who will give her beautiful children.Whilst i agree this is important and wise,i think it would be wiser to have a man who supports you,appreciates you and makes you feel like a woman.When you have a man who motivates you and makes you believe in yourself,you can count yourself lucky.
My Advice:Do not underestimate the value of man by judging him at face value.Go ahead and crack the nut to know what lies in his innermost places.It is also wise to look at what potential that man has;even if he may not be rich at the present,if he is ambitious enough,you can get ahead someday;he needs some motivation to get there and you are that motivator he so much needs to achieve his goals.
3.Consider your 'search sites'
A former colleague made sure that this one stuck in my head!Although he advised me,in a man's capacity,that a woman had better not go looking for a man,or worse so put a "i so desperately need a man right now"face,he advised me to always seek for men in the right places.For example,being a christian and a lover of gospel music,he advised that i'd likely meet the key that'd open my lock by joining the church choir;i think he was outrightly right! I am not limiting ladies to a few sites;i mean go out and meet people,mingle,join wedding committees,seek obituary pages to see who has lost a wife(unfortunately), gyms,libraries,crusades, and not forgetting online dating is here.
My Advice:Basing on your needs,you can seek and find a man at the right place. For instance if you found one at the club, be sure that he is not playing a game that he is too good at.
4.Make a move,but on the first night.
Ladies,when men show interest in us,it is not because they want to be 'the one'.Sometimes they are just looking out for a good time with a friend or colleague.When he takes you out,buys you gifts and calls you oftenly,do not confuse this for love.It is wise to wait until he says that he is interested for more than friendship.Some men may insist on Friends with Benefits (BURDENS???)but still,be sure you are not fooled.
My advice;If you want to make a move(unless you already know you want FwB),please wait;do not mind to save the best for last,just to be sure.This will save you the agony of feeling used in case the guy decided to
walk away.
5.Positive Attitude
I have been in love before and i guess you too.I have also had a fair share of heartbreaks and perhaps you too.I have sworn to never fall in love,but i know love is a basic need;we all need to be appreciated and to belong,so i have always found myself falling in love again.What matters when we fall in love again is how well we manage our present basing on our past.Are you the type that uses your past relationships as a benchmark?Are you one of those women who believe that all men are brothers?If you are one,you may be chasing rather than attracting good men.If you were wronged by one man,it doesn't mean that all men will hurt you.If you keep the script in your head and just bring in new actors,it doesn't change;it remains the same script.Know that we are created differently and everybody deserves a chance,at least to prove himself and earn a benefit of doubt.Keeping a positive attitude and hoping all will be well is the best way to go;do not listen to those women who will call you stupid for accepting to love;all men are not dogs and women need men to complement their lives.
6.Make him your best friend
I have always said to myself that the right man for me will have to be my best friend first and then my lover second.By making him your best friend,you are giving yourself time to learn him,his interests and share in his life.You can discuss about and on anything and still agree to disagree.By making a compromise,you do not let loose your guard;it's all about appreciating the differences in you and that is the sweetness of a relationship.You do not have to nod to whatever he says;give your view and assert it in a way that he doesn't feel humiliated and you do not feel left out.Learn a thing about what he does in life,show some interest in his hobbies,let him learn yours and you will encounter the fulfillment of great friendship.
7.Be a Woman
You all may have heard this quote on what a man wants in a woman;a mother in the kitchen,a lady in the living room,a mother Teresa in public and a ..... in the bedroom.
The 21st century woman is an evolved woman;we have thrown caution to the wind,we do not care how we dress;low V t-shirts ,micro mini,tight clothes name it.
We do not seem to capture what our moms taught us;'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach'.We do not bother to make him a nice meal;the 21st century woman cannot cook and expects the man to be kitchen savvy.
Since we can afford house helps,we do not bother to iron his shirts,the 'maid' can take care of his boxers and socks as well.
My Advice:Even if you cannot cook well like his mother does,just make an effort and make him some tasty meal.Take advantage of the internet and get a recipe;surprise him with one and you will see the results.Make it your duty to take care of his laundry;he will feel that he has a woman and not a man in the house.
8.Do not ask for too much-
It is true that women love with their hearts first and heads after;the opposite is also true for men.That is why we wait almost for eternity to hear a man say the three magic words that every woman loves to hear.I was once caught up in the euphoria and i remember calling him day in day out to ask whether he loved me.He would reply in the affirmative and not being convinced,i'd ask why he didn't tell me so.Well,i must confess that today,i sometimes feel like calling him up and asking him to stop telling me he loves me,that i know it already!He says it as soon as an opportunity arises.
My Advice:Men know when to say what and how to say it.Let us not force them to say they love us;it doesn't mean anything if his words are not matching his actions.Watch his actions.
Too much of anything.....
9.Let your Physical beauty complement your Emotional beauty
Men are not interested in you because of your physical beauty,sexual ability,money or your dressing.They are seeking more than that.Are you just another woman seeking a man to make you happy?Are you comfortable being alone?Do you love your own company?Do you go to the gym to make him happy?Are you loosing weight for him?Are you the one who forgets her lady friends,family,and life in general because you have found 'the one'?Men need someone who is comfortable with themselves,one who carries herself with dignity and is open minded.One who is aware of what is happening around.
Beauty with no Brains is not an advantage.
Lastly but not least,
10.Never ever tell a man about what you want and what you expect!!!
Many ladies have fallen trap on this one and lost a chance for a second chance.Whereas being assertive (saying you know what you want)may sound smart,the way you carry yourself is enough to earn you enough credits from a man.Do not ask outrightly to be taken out for diner or a movie;let the invitation come from him.A good man pays close attention to us and will not need to be coerced to do anything.
So there we go girls!!We need to work towards attaining our own happiness without necessarily waiting for any human to come and make us happy.We need to realize that in life,when we are not looking we get plenty and when we are desperately seeking,we may end up getting nothing.Learn to accept yourself as a person,to love your body,to be comfortable with your company and to carry yourself with pride and dignity.Let us quit our childhood fantasies about life and relationships and face real life;Snow white may have been lucky to have seven men around her,Barbie may have had all a woman needs in life,Princess and prince may not be existing and if they do,they must have found each other!
Let us be real.......
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